don't tell peta

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle is a mess—it has one eye that’s black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The guy notices a dog laying down on the other side of the bar.

The bartender asks the man, “My gosh! What’s wrong with your turtle?”

“Absolutely nothing,” the man responds. “In fact, this turtle is very fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I’ll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there on your side.”

So the bartender, thinking it’s an easy $500, agrees. The guy puts his turtle on the floor and the bartender goes to the other side of the bar. On the count of three, he calls his dog.

Suddenly, the guy picks up his turtle and throws it against the wall.

“Told you he’d be there before your dog. Pay up!”